Kimberlita

Mother’s Day brings a rush of strong emotions to my mind. I find spending the day apart from those I love is extremely hard. Let me share with you three areas that I thought about most today.
First, I thought about the preciousness of my dear mother. She is, by far, the most influential person in my life. She is the most persevering woman I know. She is the most giving and forgiving person I know. She has always been there for me, even when I didn’t deserve for her to love me. She has sacrificed a lot for me and for my happiness. She’s always willing to talk to me, comfort me, give me a hug, or tell me when I’m wrong. She has gone to great lengths to understand me. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She truly is a gift from the Lord. She loved me enough to teach me from a little child how much God loves me and disciplined me so that I learned to reverence those Biblical principles. I miss my mom every day and wished we lived closer.
Second, I though about my sister, a new mom. And I recognized through her relatively new journey of parenthood how much my own mother sacrificed for us when we were babies. My sister is such a dedicated mom. She loves her little one so much: she feeds her, pats her, puts her to bed, plays with her, bathes her, and teaches her. My sister does everything she can to be the best mother for her daughter. I know she prays for her and seeks her early salvation.
Lastly, I thought of myself. I though of how, by now, I thought I would have had children. I still desire to fulfill the traditional role of a woman as wife and mother. I love my ministry with children, but I don’t seek my career. I seek more meaningful, close relationships that can only be found within a family of my own.

I have lots of thoughts running through my head lately. Some are pleasant, others puzzling, and yet many are just plain hilarious. I was thinking about a guy dating a girl who is the age of the college students he teaches. A little creepy? Yeah, I think so. And I don’t think I’m the only one that thinks that. When I was 22/23, I thought the 30 year old guys were as old as dirt, well that looked that way to me at that time. It makes me laugh and get a little creeped out all at once. I was thinking about how great it would be to some day run the Boston Marathon. That, I’m sure will be a lifelong goal of mine. I know that will be my vaildation that I have finally arrived in the running world. I will be considered a “real” runner. I was thinking how funny it was to hear positive words from a Univ. student observing me earlier this week. My students were being terrible and I was so embarrassed to be observed. But I found out she commented that she watched me before and came back because I was so sweet with the kids and knew my material well. It is amazing what the Lord can turn into good. I was thinking how hilarious it is that my students are starting to act like siblings and picking on every little thing each person does. I’ve already laid down the law about no nit-picking. I told them we have to be together for 3 more weeks so we’d better get along. I think it is precious to talk to my little niece and see her grow up, albeit via Skype. I love talking to my dear sister and keeping up with her life. She is one of my best friends. I enjoy hearing how well friends adjust to loved ones being away. And am glad I can try to be an encouragement to them. Leaving a loved one in a different city is tough. I should know. I’m totally psyched that I am easing back into running and not having too tough of a transition. All that hard work on the elliptical has paid off. I’ll be faster than a speeding bullet before long! And, of course, like most days, I’m looking forward to the best that’s yet to come.

No, no not the movie. I actually think I might be scared if I watched it. I mean for me. You know it is very tough sometimes being a single girl. You have to fend for yourself in all areas or it doesn’t get done. I mean if your toaster breaks you either fix it or go buy a new one. No one is going to do it for you. My headlight went out on the car. Bummer! But, I went to Autozone, picked out a new one, pulled out the manual, popped the hood, and replaced the bulb. And I also replaced the windshield wipers. That’s what I call accomplishment. I’m a regular old mechanic. haha Not really, but I did find a sense of confidence in being able to do those things. Next, I need to figure out how to change my oil.
I also hate going to the doctor. It scares me, just like thunderstorms. But I put my chin up and went. And, of course, they told me I needed a major shot. If you thought I hated doctors, I really, really dislike shots. But I held back the tears, took a deep breath and let them give it to me. I’m very sore but I hope it helps.
As much as I wish I didn’t have to fend for myself all the time, I know the Lord has a purpose for it. What? I have no idea, but it’s all for a purpose I suppose.

There is something about being a runner and running that causes one to lose all sense of logical reasoning skills. The stories you are about to read are evidence of that very fact.

1. Last year I decided to run 12 races in 12 months. It turned out that my entire life revolved around one or sometimes two race weekends a month. It meant planning sleep, diet, travel, etc. I skipped a few winter months which meant I had to run 2 weekends in a row sometimes. One time, I actually ran two 5Ks in the same day. I placed 3 in my age group in the first 5K. Of course, I was sore from that one. Then, I ran a 5K in the evening at which I was embarrassed to read my time. I was REALLY sore the next day.

2. The summer of 2008 I decided to train for a half marathon. Basically, that just called for one long run a week. I ran it on the race course to get adjusted to the feel of that many miles. However, I was always too lazy to get up early enough to beat the heat and humidity of the day. The course was on a peninsula into Lake Erie. It has twice the humidity of Greenville. Plus, the beach side is much more desolate than the bay side. In any case, I don’t usually drink during runs and hadn’t had too much experience managing a longer course. About 7 miles into one of my runs I was coming up onto the beach side which has very little shade. I was getting really hot and desperately thirsty. I checked 2 water fountains and found that they were shut off. I was at the point of almost being sick so I stopped off at one of the concession stands to ask for a cup of water since I didn’t even have any money. The guy there said they didn’t give out water and if I wanted some to go find a drinking fountain. I tried to explain my problem but he didn’t really care if I fell over and died because my body temperature was rising. I was not a happy camper. Needless to say, somehow I shuffled at least another 5 miles to the car where there was water. Not a pretty sight. I know put some money in my shoe and try not to go out in the heat of the day.

3. I ran on icy snow covered roads on Christmas morning. It was a little perilous and slippery. Although I didn’t do too bad for two miles. But when I stepped onto the driveway, I fell and got a huge bruise and probably the injury I’m still recovering from today.

4. I ran one 5K in pretty steady rain. It actually wasn’t all that bad.

I’m sure there are more, however, I cannot think of them right now because my hamstrings are screaming at me!

There are days (and there are many) that I don’t understand totally why I am where I am. If I was planning my life I would not be where I am right now. I still remember those silly little games I played as a child where over and over again you planned out your future in 5 minutes. You remember it. It went like this: What colors will you have in your wedding? What will you live in? How many kids will you have? and so on. I think to myself that I’d love to be caring for a household, planting spring flowers, taking the kids to piano lessons, waiting for my hubby to come home. But instead, I’m just vacuuming my apartment and getting ready for tomorrow. Just one more day closer to summer break where I can spend time with family and pretend that everything’s okay. I know very well I have flaws, don’t we all. But somewhere deep down I know He made me for a purpose to be a companion to someone and love my own children. My heart aches for that day that I can truly and fully give myself to someone here on earth. Where I can watch my own child grow and develop and love my family more and more each day. I weep over it and plead with God to satisfy me until it can happen. I fill the emptiness with running, exercise, anything that exhausts me so much that I don’t have time to think about it. Why can’t it just be different?

Right? Phew, I survived another Sunday without too much of an upset. I watched the person I care deeply for act like I’m invisible for the hundreth time. Why? I suppose to prove to myself that I can handle it. Can I really handle it? No, not really. But I have to. I have to prove to myself that all the times I’ve loved and lost are no different than this time. And some day some kind, caring, understanding gentleman is going to wake up and understand what a gift he has. Other than that, I didn’t cause too much controversy in my Sunday school class. Although, I could start quite an upset if I wanted to. But I don’t this it’s necessarily worth it. I don’t get the feeling many are well versed in the Scripture or theology to handle a major debate or really care to. Right now, I’m still up but should be in bed because I feel like a 200 lb. man is sitting on my chest because of allergies. Not a fun feeling. But you know it’s Spring in the South when that happens. My hip aches like I’m 80 years old and long overdue for a hip replacement. And I’m just about to get that nightly panic attack because I haven’t been running and my body does weird things without endorphins. Plus, I fear I’ll gain a ton of weight and be a big fat blob for summer. Well, my whole body is getting itchy, so I think I better relax, pray, and settle in for (hopefully) a good night’s sleep.

It’s true what the songwriter says, “you never know what you got til it’s gone.” I’d say it goes for both parties. I am exhausted from thinking about it. I lived and learned by it though. Where is the breaking point? When does God say, it’s ok, you are My child, you make mistakes, I’ll help you fix it this time? I seriously don’t understand. I have faith, I’m in the Word, I plead on my behalf and have prayed for the other every day for 365 days, yet I still do not have peace about it. I wish so much that I could accept it or understand it. I wish life was happily ever after, but it’s not. I guess for some it is and for some it’s not. I’m holding on the promises very weakly and hoping for a brighter future.

It’s been 18 days since my last run. But who’s counting, right? This is the longest stretch I’ve gone without running since I can remember. I just may lose my mind before I can run again. I’m still exercising so I don’t get as big as a house. But, it’s just not the same. You cannot simulate the feeling or the exhaustion that a good run gives you. So much for living on the “runner’s high”. But, I am in a lot of pain and am paying a lot of money to get myself all fixed up. I have some severe burrsitis in my right hip along with a forward rotation of my pelvis on the right side which is causing pain in the right SI joint. I hope to be ready to race at the end of March since I have 2 races back to back. But we’ll see. Maybe I’ll train over the summer for a fall marathon instead. I am faithfully doing my exercises and hope that it will all be over soon. Physical therapists are great people and possibly modern day miracle workers. Okay, so I’m being a little dramatic. Nevertheless, they do do a great job!

I have to admit I’ve had a few great Valentine’s Days and a few that were just regular days.

I remember a few years back one of my most passionate Valentine’s Days. I had been dating a young man for about 6 months. He was such a sweetheart! He’d call during the day just to tell me how much he loved me. On Valentine’s he came to school more than once to deliver flowers, balloons, and have lunch with me. We decided on a relaxed dinner at home in our comfortable clothes. I couldn’t have remembered a better time. We both enjoyed our gifts. He got me a special flower arrangement that I requested and I just loved it.

Last year I had a Valentine, but we’d only been casually dating for 3 weeks or so. It seemed fitting to do something but also a little awkward. He had a wonderful evening planned with dinner reservations at a nice restaurant. He brought me flowers and a sweet card. The entire night was wonderful, except I had a terrible cold and he couldn’t even tell me he liked me. I would have gladly stayed in but I didn’t want to disappoint him. Sometimes I think back and wonder if I was the source of all the preparation or just having someone in general for him. You know, doing the valentine thing with a girl so you can feel good about yourself thing. I don’t know if I’ll ever know. I do know that a week later we were chatting on email about what a bored day he was having twiddling his thumbs in his office. Little did I know that same day he was bored, instead of working on his dissertation he was signing up for a MySpace account and where he could look for Dating and Serious Relationships with women on there. That crushed my spirits somewhat. I mean, how could you sign up to meet any ol’ girl on there (which most are…well, you know) when you have a beautiful, sweet, godly girl that adores you begging you to spend more time with her? It upsets me to see decent, Christian men looking here for a woman. In any case, I’m not sure that he knows what he really wants in a girl or in a relationship. But, I do know, when he figures that out and knows what he wants, he will make some woman very happy. Until then, he will be just as confused and frustrated as she is!

I don’t have a Valentine this year but I have supportive family and friends and that’s good enough for me for now.

I was to depart GSP at 6:00am on Monday morning. That means I was up at 4:15 to get ready and was barely able to tie my shoes. I’m not exactly a morning person. However, when I arrived at the airport I found out my flight was delayed 42 minutes and made my tight connection in Detroit almost impossible. And that it was. I ran to my gate in Detroit only to see the plane pull away and take off. That is an awful feeling. I was rebooked on the 1:40pm flight but told I could see if I could get standby on the 10:30am flight. I was able to get standby and I thought everything was okay. We boarded, taxied, and then came back to the gate because of mechanical problems. I was so frustrated and tired. I went to the bathroom and called my mom. Surprisingly, she prayed with me and then encouraged me to cheer up, get a cup of coffee, and try to get to know some new people. So, I did. There were a few of us that had already been on the same flight since GSP. I had had some conversation with two ladies by the names of Tracy and Kathy. They were both trying to make the best of the situation, too. I had opportunity to share my ministry and some of the Gospel with them. In listening to them, I found that so many people have so many problems, hurts, trials. I was glad I was taking the opportunity to get to know these people and share the hope and grace of Christmas. We reboarded at 12:40pm enroute to Erie. It was smooth flying all the way. But when we got to Erie the visibility was only a quarter mile and not enough for us to land. The pilot decided that we would stay in a holding pattern for 20 mintues before we diverted to another airport. I prayed and prayed we’d land but I had a hunch we wouldn’t and we didn’t. We diverted to Cleveland where they told us we’d be bused to Erie. A few more hours in Cleveland baggage claim brought the group of us closer together. We were all tired, hungry, and ready to be home. I dug into my suitcase for a bag of candy and went around sharing my candy with our sorry little group. We also had some good conversations each other on the bus. I ended up making some good accquaintances and contacts on this trip and having many opportunties to share the Gospel. All of us were so thankful to get to final destination 14 hours later. God was good inspite of hard circumstances.